


A slightly sour victory

by Lakritzwolf



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Gen, Ragnor is the most annoying haunt ever, spoilers for 3x14
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-21
Updated: 2019-03-21
Packaged: 2019-11-26 23:28:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18186911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lakritzwolf/pseuds/Lakritzwolf
Summary: There wasthis poston my tumblr the other day and my brain insist that I do the thing, so I did the thing.After Magnus has to move out, Ragnor is still there and annoys the crap out of Lorenzo.





	A slightly sour victory

It started with tiny, hardly noticeable things.

It took a few recurrences however until Lorenzo noticed it. The first time he didn’t even realise it. He put down a glass, looking around in his new apartment, and when he meant to pick it up his hand found only air. He didn’t think about it, and took the glass to take a sip of his drink. 

It happened a few times, and Lorenzo began to wonder how he could forget so often where he had put his glass. He always used to find it on the first attempt, yet it was as if he completely lost his focus when putting it down, and always remembered it an inch or two away from where it actually was. 

When other things started happening, he began to suspect foul play, however.

There was the instance where he wanted to take a sip of well-deserved morning coffee that he spat out in an instant, ruining a shirt in the process. That definitely was not normal, because Lorenzo Rey does not confuse salt and sugar. Putting a ward onto his cup as an experiment resulted in the coffee going cold within ten seconds. 

That morning, Lorenzo began to scan every nook and cranny of the apartment with his eyes, ears, and magic. 

Nothing. 

Picking up his new cup and taking a sip resulted in him spitting out the coffee again with a loud and extremely vile curse, because the coffee suddenly was scalding hot. Lorenzo frowned at the stain on the carpet, and that moment he could have sworn he heard someone giggle. 

There was only one conclusion: Bane had messed up the wards somehow, with what little magic Lorenzo had given him. 

“Honestly, I have no idea,” the former warlock said after Lorenzo had summoned him into his former home. “You know that with my magic, or the lack thereof, I couldn’t have done this on such short notice.”

Which was nothing but the truth, so Lorenzo had to let him go again. Of course Bane was smiling, but whatever it was that kept manipulating his drinking vessels, it wasn’t of Bane’s doing. 

That evening, a sip of his best Portuguese vintage was so sour it made his mouth go dry and his tongue stick to the roof of his mouth. 

“That’s quite enough,” he snarled, and started the process of scanning the apartment for paranormal traces all over again. 

And again, nothing. 

Lorenzo tripled his wards and set up a few specially designed ones into the walls. The next morning his coffee was frozen solid when he tried to take a sip. He slammed the mug onto the kitchen counter so hard it shattered, and the coffee immediately liquidised again and spilled across the surface, and several splashes landed on Lorenzo’s shirt and on his face. 

A bit of research revealed no reports of the apartment or even the building ever being haunted, yet this seemed to be exactly what was happening. 

Lorenzo prepared a failsafe exorcism ritual, but as he was about to light the last candle, he could hear a soft voice. 

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”

“Watch me,” Lorenzo said and completed the ritual. 

When he turned around to head back into the study he almost jumped out of his skin. There he was, the cause for all those troubles, leaning nonchalantly into the doorframe of the bedroom. 

A warlock, by the look of it, if the horns were any indication. He also was wearing horribly old-fashioned clothes and a robe Lorenzo wouldn’t have used as a cleaning rag. 

Lorenzo cast a banishment spell, but the burst of magic went right through the apparition, which smiled at him and shook his head. 

“What and who are you?” Lorenzo snarled.   
“The more important question is, who are you, and what are you doing here?”  
“What I am doing here? I own the place!”  
“Last time I checked Magnus Bane lived here.” The apparition frowned.   
“No longer,” Lorenzo said with an oily grin.  
“And how is that?” The spirit of the warlock if it was one, cocked his head and his eyebrows drew together.”  
“It was a fair trade,” Lorenzo said. “He needed help, this was the payment.”

Shaking his head, the warlock heaved a sigh. “I would have told him it’s a bad idea to ask you for help. But... well, without his magic, he couldn’t see or hear me anymore.”

Lorenzo crossed his arms and exhaled heavily through his nose. “I assume you are a warlock that Magnus sent here to annoy me?”  
“Nothing of the sort,” the apparition said. “I live here, although exist would be the better term. I was, and still am, one of Magnus Bane’s closet friend, and I just stayed at his side, minding my own dead person business and occasionally telling him off when he was about to do something stupid.” He shook his head with a sad little smile. “Didn’t pay enough attention to his last feeble-minded plan, though. Edom!” He threw his hands up. “I should give up on the little fopdoodle but here I am.”

“Magnus Bane no longer lives here, and he no longer owns this place. So I suggest you remove yourself before I vaporize you into nothing.”  
“And you really think you can banish the spirit of a powerful warlock like that?” A derisive chuckle. “Please. The only thing you achieved with that folly, and might I say, amateurish exorcism attempt it that I now no longer inhabit the in-between but am, quite obviously, visible and audible.”  
“Amateur?” Lorenzo curled his hands into fists and relaxed them again. “Enjoy the afterlife.”

Lorenzo summoned the full force of his magic, but several attempt of blasting the warlock’s annoying spirit into the afterlife or into oblivion failed. A chuckle or a dramatic yawn were the only effect. Lorenzo was fuming. For days. 

But Lorenzo Rey would not let a dead warlock take his victory away. 

Only now, he had to witness with his own eyes how the warlock ruined his coffee. Every single time. 

In the end, Lorenzo bit the bullet and summoned Bane to clean up his mess. 

He strode through the door somewhat later, looking around. 

“I’m sorry, did I forget some sex toys around here somewhere?”  
“No,” Lorenzo snarled. “You forgot your dead friend.”  
“Dead friend?” Bane blinked at him in utter confusion. “You mean Ragnor Fell? He is still here?”

“I would say alive and kicking, but neither is the case.” Ragnor appeared from the kitchen, arms crossed.

Bane looked at the other warlock with tears brimming in his eyes. “Ragnor...”  
“My dear old friend,” Ragnor said, his voice heavy with sorrow. “What a mess you’ve gotten yourself into.”  
“Quite so,” Bane sighed. 

“Get rid of him,” Lorenzo cut in sharply.

Bane looked at him, at Ragnor, and back at Lorenzo. Then he turned towards Ragnor. “Would you mind stopping to haunt this place?”  
“Not going to happen,” Ragnor replied.  
“There you have it,” Bane said brightly. “I tried.”

With that, he turned around and was on his way to the door. 

“You are going nowhere until that... thing is gone.”  
“I wouldn’t say that if I were you,” Bane said, slowly turning around. “He can bear a grudge for centuries.”  
“I don’t care,” Lorenzo spat. “He leaves, now.”  
“Are you?” Bane asked, looking past Lorenzo at Ragnor.   
Ragnor rolled his eyes with an annoyed huff of breath. 

“I’m warning you,” Lorenzo said to Bane in a voice flat with anger.  
“Warning?” Bane asked, lifting his hands. “It’s not as if I have the magic to do something about this! And I didn’t even summon here, or anything. He chose to stay with me, so what do you expect I do?”  
“Exactly,” Ragnor added, an insufferable smug smile on his face. “I’m stuck here, actually. Bound myself to this place and Magnus, and as long as he is alive, you are stuck with me.”  
“So killing me is the only way out of this?” Bane asked, his smile even more insufferable.  
“Well.” Ragnor shrugged. “Not sure if that’s a valid alternative.”

Lorenzo was about to implode with anger, because that goddamn spirit was right. Killing Bane was not an option. Then an idea struck him and he gave the dead warlock an oily, victorious smile. 

“And what do you say if I buy the whole building? It’s not as if I couldn’t afford it. I shall raze the whole block and reduce every house in the vicinity to rubble and dust.”  
“As if that makes you the winner,” Ragnor said drily, not moving a muscle in his face. 

“I see myself out, then, if I’m no longer needed,” Bane said, and Lorenzo didn’t make a move to stop him. 

Ragnor looked at him, tilting his head. “Fancy a cup of tea?”

In the end, Lorenzo decided that his mansion was the better and more comfortable place to live. He didn’t give the apartment up, however, because if he couldn’t have it, neither would Bane. 

\---

Back in the loft, however, Ragnor Fell made his daily round dusting off the shelves and bottles in the apothecary to keep the place in order until Magnus would move back in.


End file.
